Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Happy 4th of July
Despite what Benjamin Franklin said, I am so glad that this is not our national bird.
And, let me beat all you funny guys to the "punch". No, this is not a self portrait.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Lion in the Pulpit
No, really. There is a lion in the pulpit.
Apparently, the choir is acting up.
What is your caption?
Apparently, the choir is acting up.
What is your caption?
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Worship: That's The Way, Uh Uh, I Like It
Have you ever had one of those moments? A moment that you are not sure is embarrassing, humorous, or instructive? Maybe all of the above.
We had one of those Sundays at church the other day.
Here is the run down. We have no worship leader and the pianist called in sick. That means that the music portion of the worship service that had been planned all week was out the window.
That’s o.k. we’ll just go to plan B. I have some worship songs that our pianist recorded for just such a predicament. All we have to do is plug in my laptop, arrange the songs and it is like having a virtual pianist.
So, I scramble around to get that arranged, fix the power point lyrics, and get the sound system hooked up. This took place just in the nick of time.
It took a while, but eventually we got things in place by overcoming a few small computer glitches along the way. Should go smooth from here….not.
We get ready to begin the service and the songs won’t play. I don’t know what happened but the files would not open and play the way they had just minutes before. All that played was the “Microsoft” start up tune. “What a friend we have in Microsoft…”
Oh boy, here we go.
So, lets greet one another and see if we can’t fix the problem. I run to the back where the equipment is being run by two of my faithful youth. It clearly was not their fault, it was some technical issue.
We get it fixed and the next portion goes a little better. The music does well and we get through it all right.
But that’s not all. After a small break in the flow of the service it is time for the next song. The only problem is that the next song starts at about 4 times normal speed. It sounded like the Chipmunks music. The guys tried about 3 times before it fixed itself and went back to normal. Somehow we recover.
Could it get any worse? Oh yes.
We have one last song before the sermon. This is a song that I intentionally included to help us focus and prepare for the message. The song is titled, “Jesus draw me close”.
The music starts and instead of the beautiful piano arrangement we hear the beginning chords of the 1970’s disco dance tune “That’s The Way, Uh Uh, I Like It”. Picture that for a moment. I will pause so you can laugh, or cry.
You might be wondering, how did that get into a worship service? Well, the piano music was being played from the media player on my laptop. I have a fairly large and eclectic music collection on my laptop. I have some Chris Tomlin, Keith Green, Christmas music, Elvis, Beach Boys, Disney songs, classical, and some 1970’s dance tunes. Yes, that is right. The girls and I like to boogie to some dance tunes every now and then. Don’t worry, we close the blinds real tight so no one can see.
So, somehow, and I still don’t know how, our piano music was interrupted with the beginning chords of some disco music and I wasn’t even wearing bell bottoms.
We had a guest preacher and the sermon was great. The rest of the service was uneventful, the damage had already been done. Although, the next time some inquires about what kind of music we have at our church I am not sure what I will tell them.
Is there a lesson here? I don’t know. I just know it will be a time of worship that I will never forget.
We had one of those Sundays at church the other day.
Here is the run down. We have no worship leader and the pianist called in sick. That means that the music portion of the worship service that had been planned all week was out the window.
That’s o.k. we’ll just go to plan B. I have some worship songs that our pianist recorded for just such a predicament. All we have to do is plug in my laptop, arrange the songs and it is like having a virtual pianist.
So, I scramble around to get that arranged, fix the power point lyrics, and get the sound system hooked up. This took place just in the nick of time.
It took a while, but eventually we got things in place by overcoming a few small computer glitches along the way. Should go smooth from here….not.
We get ready to begin the service and the songs won’t play. I don’t know what happened but the files would not open and play the way they had just minutes before. All that played was the “Microsoft” start up tune. “What a friend we have in Microsoft…”
Oh boy, here we go.
So, lets greet one another and see if we can’t fix the problem. I run to the back where the equipment is being run by two of my faithful youth. It clearly was not their fault, it was some technical issue.
We get it fixed and the next portion goes a little better. The music does well and we get through it all right.
But that’s not all. After a small break in the flow of the service it is time for the next song. The only problem is that the next song starts at about 4 times normal speed. It sounded like the Chipmunks music. The guys tried about 3 times before it fixed itself and went back to normal. Somehow we recover.
Could it get any worse? Oh yes.
We have one last song before the sermon. This is a song that I intentionally included to help us focus and prepare for the message. The song is titled, “Jesus draw me close”.
The music starts and instead of the beautiful piano arrangement we hear the beginning chords of the 1970’s disco dance tune “That’s The Way, Uh Uh, I Like It”. Picture that for a moment. I will pause so you can laugh, or cry.
You might be wondering, how did that get into a worship service? Well, the piano music was being played from the media player on my laptop. I have a fairly large and eclectic music collection on my laptop. I have some Chris Tomlin, Keith Green, Christmas music, Elvis, Beach Boys, Disney songs, classical, and some 1970’s dance tunes. Yes, that is right. The girls and I like to boogie to some dance tunes every now and then. Don’t worry, we close the blinds real tight so no one can see.
So, somehow, and I still don’t know how, our piano music was interrupted with the beginning chords of some disco music and I wasn’t even wearing bell bottoms.
We had a guest preacher and the sermon was great. The rest of the service was uneventful, the damage had already been done. Although, the next time some inquires about what kind of music we have at our church I am not sure what I will tell them.
Is there a lesson here? I don’t know. I just know it will be a time of worship that I will never forget.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Can You Be A Christian and Not Go To Church?
Question: Can I be a Christian without joining the church?
Answer: Yes, it is possible. It is something like being:
A student who will not go to school.
A soldier who will not join an army.
A citizen who does not pay taxes or vote.
A salesman with no customers.
An explorer with no base camp.
A seaman on a ship without a crew.
A businessman on a deserted island.
An author without readers.
A tuba player without an orchestra.
A parent without a family.
A football player without a team.
A politician who is a hermit.
A scientist who does not share his findings.
A bee without a hive.
- taken from Wesleyan Christian Advocate
Ephesians 5:25-32
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church .
The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Eph 5:25). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
Answer: Yes, it is possible. It is something like being:
A student who will not go to school.
A soldier who will not join an army.
A citizen who does not pay taxes or vote.
A salesman with no customers.
An explorer with no base camp.
A seaman on a ship without a crew.
A businessman on a deserted island.
An author without readers.
A tuba player without an orchestra.
A parent without a family.
A football player without a team.
A politician who is a hermit.
A scientist who does not share his findings.
A bee without a hive.
- taken from Wesleyan Christian Advocate
Ephesians 5:25-32
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church .
The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (Eph 5:25). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
Monday, January 8, 2007
Church Attendance Saves Lives
You know what they say about statistics?! So, take this humorous compilation that I got from FUMC Palestine with a grain of salt.
Play It Safe
1. Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for 20% of fatal accidents.
2. Don’t stay at home because 17% of all accidents occur in the home.
3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians.
4. Avoid traveling by air, rail or water because 16% of all accidents involve these forms of transportation.
5. Avoid hospitals because 32% of all deaths occur in a hospital.
Conclusion: Only .001% of all deaths occur in a worship service in a church, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders. Therefore, the safest place for you to be at any given point in time is in church! Bible study is safe too. The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less. For safety’s sake – attend church and read your Bible.
Play It Safe
1. Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for 20% of fatal accidents.
2. Don’t stay at home because 17% of all accidents occur in the home.
3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians.
4. Avoid traveling by air, rail or water because 16% of all accidents involve these forms of transportation.
5. Avoid hospitals because 32% of all deaths occur in a hospital.
Conclusion: Only .001% of all deaths occur in a worship service in a church, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders. Therefore, the safest place for you to be at any given point in time is in church! Bible study is safe too. The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less. For safety’s sake – attend church and read your Bible.
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